As a child (elementary school aged) my mom pushed me to do my best. I always had awards and I didn't think too much of it. She always rewarded me for my accomplishments, even if it was just a few hours at the put put zone with her. When I didn't do well I'd know it... She'd tell me lol. If my handwriting didn't look well I'd hear the sound of paper being ripped behind my head EVEN after I was ALREADY FINISHED! Let's just say even in this digital world of ours people always compliment me on my handwriting.
When I hit 12 everything changed... I know you're thinking "who has an epiphany at 12?" I did! It was the end of my 6th grade year and I had all A's not to mention a good amount of community service under my belt and a good group of friends. I had viewed the Builtmore Estate upclose and personal, gone to my first dance, had my first bf, passed out cards to Veterans, and attended the Young Authors / Writers Workshop. All the little things that make middle school great. The straight A's had much to do with dedicated teachers and good friends because when I came home I got an "uh huh that's good", Considering it's something I had never done before pardon me for expecting more lol. That day I came to realize that if no one else cared (immediate family) neither would I. BIG MISTAKE
It was down hill from there. Until high school I did homeschool so I could skip a grade. I did and then graduated. I worked better on my own still no motivation from family and I only had friends older than me so they assumed I was just smart and self motivated. I was dying inside just yearning for someone to give me a push.
College time arrived in 2004. I had no one tell me about loans or even that I needed to take the SAT or ACT. I didn't study for it so naturally didn't do as well as expected. I opted for a "distinct" university thinking I'd stay out of trouble and find the motivation I needed... Have you ever heard the term private school girls are the worst? Well they proudly embraced it and I ran for the hills. Many of the students there were forced by their parents who wanted them "monitored" or because of Full Ride Scholarships. Not because of a desire to grow or learn. With no one motivating me to stay besides the Financial people who just wanted money and no one even being aware of what classes I was taking I just felt alone besides my roommate and her "friends" who would talk about her as soon as she left the room. I left after managing to talk to the Dean without ratting anyone out.
So after bouncing around trying to avoid scamming degree mills like Westwood College and more I took time away. Wondering if I'd ever reach my dream of being a Psychologist or if it was only a dream.
